A Survivor’s Testimony

Posted: October 22, 2012 in GOD~owned Testomonies
God has been challenging me to be open and honest with people so they can know the beauty of His redemption. I have been sharing my personal story with people as God leads and it has been very freeing and amazing to see God working to make beauty out of the ashes of my broken life. I want all of you to know that I have been through probably some of the same struggles as some of you and I know how hard it is and how it feels to be empty of hope as your heart breaks from the pain of abuse. I will share some of my story with you dear ones who come to this page to be encouraged and prayed for. I grew up in a very legalistic church where women were esteemed very lightly and viewed as servants of men and God’s word was stripped of grace and love and only shown as a set of rules followed by judgmental attitudes and guilt plagued hearts. I was there from when I was 5 years old until I was 25. I was married when I was 22 to a man who claimed he was a Christian, if he really is between him and God, who I dated for 4 years. Soon after we were married, he began to be extremely abusive to me emotionally, mentally, financially, physically, and sexually. I was terrified of him because of his threats made to me and the fact that he was a firearms instructor. Please understand that when we were dating, I did not see these characteristics in him and I was brainwashed into believing that anyone who claimed to be a Christian was and that my place as a woman was far inferior to a man’s place. As our marriage continued and I found out that I was pregnant on a home pregnancy test but before I made it to the doctor’s office, I miscarried and when I told my husband, I was told that I was worthless and that is why the baby died. Our marriage went down fast after that and he began to flirt with several women and began having affairs with them as I worked full time to support him and went to college to finish my degree. We were married for about 3 years when he began an affair with a woman who was one of my new friends and her husband was his friend. I didn’t know what to do and then as his guilt over the affairs of the past and this newest one continued the abuse only increased. He said he wanted me out at the end of the summer in 2011. I was 25 and so worn out from trying and trying at a marriage when I was the only one who was married and committed to the relationship. I did not want to let God down and I wanted to stay committed but he left for this other woman. I tried for years to get him into marriage counseling with me and he refused and when I went to my church for help, I was only judged and despised for crying out for help. So on September 2, 2011, I left my husband of 3 years and my church of 20 years in one hour that day. It has been such a journey for me and being a young woman only 26 years old, I know that I only survived and continue to survive because of God’s mercy and grace alone! In November 2011, God brought me to a church where I experienced real Christian love for God and the brethren for the first time ever. I have been through counseling with my new pastor and other professional counselors as I began to deal with my past. In March 2012, I lost my job because I had to get a restraining order against my ex husband because he was stalking me at work and my managers did not want to help but per the order of the court I had to inform them about the order. I was unemployed for 7 months while I kept on recovering and healing in God’s love for me. I began volunteering with women who are in abusive relationships and women who are struggling with unwanted pregnancies in a local Christian women’s ministry. Last month, God blessed me with a full time job and in May of 2012 I graduated college with my Bachelor’s degree in English and Psychology. I have been working with God to walk me through the process of forgiving my ex husband and my old church. It is a process but He is helping me with it as I pray for those who have hurt me that they would find Jesus and be restored. It is my dream to help reach the world for Christ and to show God’s hope for the broken hearted, the abused, and the forgotten of this world. So I know what it is like to go through abuse and I can say with every fiber of my being that God alone is able to redeem each moment and each hurt. Everything is coming together because of Christ alone. He is my only hope, security, healing and real love. I pray that by my sharing and by God’s ministering to your hearts that you will be inspired to get out of those harmful situations if possible and find true and complete healing in Christ. His grace is endless. His love is everlasting. His healing is radical and life changing. Please dear broken hearted ones open your hearts to God and let Him in so He can work in and through you to heal you and reach out to the broken in this world. I am also sending a song that has been my theme lately and I pray that you are blessed by as God proves your fears wrong because of His love. I love each one you dearly and pray for you each day. Please feel free to share your story or your current struggle if you feel lead to do so and you will be prayed for. Be blessed because God loves you and has created for a purpose. (Fire Lily)
1 Peter 5:8-9-Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are.

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